doesn't change the fact I am still a horrible person, I mean like, that's facts lol. I'm not saying this like in a way of "Ohhhhhh Im a bad person dont support me" and dont do shit to be better but in a way of "I'm a bad person despite of trying to be a better and a good person It wont change my mind or the fact that I still am; a bad person". also this isn't a vent, but as a fact. And of course i do take full responsibility from the harm i caused, but take this as a fact.
Sorry if i sound emotionally immature, please understand this tho
why understanding a bad person though
4/11 THIS IS SO CORNY STOP YAPPING
ALSO. I'm not someone who should be idolized nor "look forward to" as I've said, I'm not a good person despite my tries to be better or a good person. I still will probably never be. sure, I've realized my mistakes and improve to be as a better person but will my reflection would see me as a good or better person? No, this isn't self-deprecating vent, joke. But this is just my honest opinion that I think it's facts, I understand I'm probably being too harsh to myself, "what if a friend has the same issue and" I won't treat them bad how I treat myself. It's very hard for me to see me as a better or good person after changing myself--
ReplyDelete(oops typing mistakes, regarding the reflection; no, even I changed as a better person I won't see that 'better' person in my reflection) I agree that I'm too self-aware, self-loathing and harsh towards myself. I have took a break from the internet, Of course, I'm currently trying to find an opportunity to contact a professional that my parents won't find out. also another thing again regarding the idolized thingy; that's not an excuse for being an a hole, or a piece of shat, I'm not justifying nor excusing my actions at all, But I just wanna be honest how I feel towards my reflection or being a good person. I don't consider people to look forward me since I'm lowkey a disappointment, I don't want people to be me. Sure, You're gonna say "you're so kind though! I Love you!" First of all, Thank you and no. And second of all; No. I'm a clown for saying this but In no way I think i deserve affection at all, I don't know what to tell you. but that's what a reflection/realization does to guy
ReplyDelete--quote unquote nerd emoji and yeah, I do agree I probably sound emotionally immature for this, and especially if a friend is going through the same I'd treat them oppositely comparing how I treat myself. that kind of sounds hypocritical for some reason. and regarding affection; really sorry okay, no I'm not refusing your affection, because i think that would be rude (even though right now I sound immature which I am very sorry, but I just wanna talk about this and know about your thoughts) I appreciate it that you think of me that way but I just really hope you know who you're supporting, Now heres another one, I'm not sure whether "forgive and forget" Is a good thing or a bad thing because I always think that past actions define me, because from my view everything I do describes me, permanently. even If i learned my lesson, changed as a person, better person that won't change anything especially my reflection on myself (I don't think anything can change that honestly) but of course, I'm still taking full responsibility from my mistakes. I just don't know how to feel being told as a good person, and I'm sorry this is horribly explained, this isn't necessary nor important; just how i feel. But I can say I'm getting used with being labelled as a bad person, just don't know how to feel being told as a good person though.--
ReplyDeletealso i dont think ishould forget my past by the way, I know I'm changed but like, I just want my past to remind me so that whenever i feel like being myself i wanna make sure i dont commit doing embarrassing shit
ReplyDeleteHey, Mark. It's me.
ReplyDeleteI'm being completely honest, I don't know the things you've gone through. I don't know the things you've done, nor even the whole story itself.
But I do know you're going through a tough time, and I am sorry to hear that.
Despite everything, I'm proud of you, because you're still here.
Proud that you kept trying to improve yourself, trying to make up for all the things you have done in the past, whatever they are, despite the fact that you couldn't forgive yourself from such things.
Because not everyone are brave enough to do that.
To realize that they did something wrong and admit that they did.
To have the courage to take responsibility.
update kath i think what i just did is the bare minimum
DeleteI'm happy that you're trying.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that you're taking the responsibility for your faults, and I understand how it feels to feel like a bad person, to see yourself as one despite how much improvement you do.
To feel pain everyday in deep realisation.
Hey man! You're really sending me to a boat full of support, which is something I'm unsure if i deserve, but either way, refusing it will make me more of a bad person which is obviously something that i don't want but either way, I also don't know what you go through as well. But i really wish the best for you, and that you're amazing. and great too, I'm really grateful that you're my friend. and let's hope I won't be an annoying burden nuisance to you guys once i get too comfortable, I just learned another life lesson after 2 months of committing a mistake, which is something else. but either way not the context YOU ARE AMAZING. im actually like genuinely grateful to have you as my true friend, you're like genuinely awesome dude im so so grateful man, you're really a spectacular friend. I hope we can make some more memories and i hope i can be a good person hopefully maybe not because of my brain thinking otherwise. but like again i don't know what you go through since it's quite concerning you understand how it feels to be in my position, but either way. I really wish you're okay too by the way, I never really seem to encounter you talking about your problems. But i Hope you're ok too bro <:D, I care about you a lot dude
Deletebut either way, thanks a lot for saying these kind words!! it really motivates me, thank you again <:) and like i already mentioned; you can always talk to me about personal stuff, but it's also completely okay to not explain it further/deeper because i wanna respect you obviously becuz you're my friend ^_^. But seriously dud I'll try to listen and support you & be available for you if i can. Thanks again, you're a dope friend xI
DeleteI'm late but whatevs, I'm happy It helped you in some way, even if it's just small. Thank you for always being a great friend.
DeleteYou've probably already known that me and your other friends are always here for you, and will always be ♥️
You're a real dope friend! I'm happy I met you :)
Our friendship is definitely up to the point I'm too comfortable being around you XD
DeleteSo definitely, I will talk about personal stuff with you too, because well that's a way of showing that I really trust you that much, and that's the same thing that goes with you :)
I'm ready whenever you need someone to talk, always ♥️
It's also okay if the same goes to you that sometimes it WILL be difficult to talk about personal stuff with people, we've all got our own valid reasons.
DeleteHowever, know that I'm always here for you, even if it's just as simple as emotional support, because I care for you.
You got this, I know that you do, and me and your friends out there will always love you until the end, note that as a daily reminder how much you're loved :)👊♥️
haha alright man, Thanks I guess. just know who you support. < :|
Deletebut im really glad you feel safe around me, dont be afraid to reach out to me. Ill be glad to help you ^_^
Hey Mark! I can't believe you messaged me all this at 3AM, get some sleep okay? XD
ReplyDeleteEither way, just lighting things up with that, hehe!
But really, I want you to understand that I'm here for you.
I see you often as a person who'se always the therapist friend, but sometimes you gotta need someone to help you too when you yourself feels down, you know?
By my experience, I'm actually really used to it when people are open to me.
In fact, it makes me feel more comfortable too.
So right now, I'm happy you're being honest with what you feel. I understand how you feel. Just remember that it's okay to open up to me when there's no one else you could talk to about some things you're feeling trouble about, okay? I'm always here for you, just as much as you're always here for me and all your friends. YOU ARE ALSO AMAZING! And there's nothing that would EVER change that. THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE READY UP TO SUPPORT ME AND ALL YOUR OTHER FRIENDS!
Thank you for feeling concern about me, I really do appreciate that.
All I wish is for you to take care of yourself, wherever you may be out there, that's what matters, I'm always here for you along the way on this tough road, and I'm all ready whenever you need someone to talk to.
I love you, and always will! Even if you don't feel like you deserve it. All deep from my heart.♥️
Keep going, because trully, YOU got this.💪
OH MAN. Looks like I meet another person who's identical to me o_O... Especially the Therapy Friend part, That hit deep. Considering your experience, I really hope you're okay dude, and mostly I am almost the same thing like you, The fact that I'm also really used with people opening up to me and it also makes me comfortable with them. kinda, concerns me about you too. Man this is like hugging on a mirror, hugging your own reflection. I knew something was off. But in a good way!!!! :DD and hey I really appreciate the fact that you're glad that I can be honest and forward on ya, like again idk what you go through, but for sure I know I'm always proud of you for everything you do mate. even if you won't tell me about it, I'll try to tell about my problems and hopefully it'll eventually help you to be comfortable with me enough to express yourself with me, and of course I will always be available for you. and mostly if you told me, I'll always support you, if you didn't told me I'll always support ya. Differences? xD But I'll do what my friends tell me, this time. But I really hope and make sure I'll able to give you a gratitude return after everytime I express any issue i have. and I mean it, I will return you a gratitude everytime you do something that I consider that its very nice thing to do. But I will try to come up to you about it, However don't forget about returning the favor thingy since that's like a natural gift from me ( >_0) b.... and thank you!!! don't forget I'm here for you too!!! :D ALSO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU MADE A BLOG!!!!!!!!!!1 SO EXCITED!!!!!!! AND OF COURSE YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!1 I AM WILLING TO DO ANYTHING FOR MY FRIEND INCLUDING YOU!!!! :DDDD AND I CARE ABOUT MY FRIENDS A LOT!!!! AND THANK U SO MUCH ALL OF THIS MEANS OS MUCH TO ME T_T........ I love you more man!!!! whatever you're going through stay strong, I believe you will get better and find peace upon you!!! thank you for all of this! this makes me so happy!
DeleteI AM HAPPY WHENEVER MY FRIENDS ARE HAPPY, AND I AM ABOSULETLY SMILING AT MY PHONE RIGHT NOW LIKE SOME SORT OF MANIAC!!!
DeleteTHANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF THIS, I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT!!!
Bro we're LITTERALY long lost siblings at this point xD XDDDD
Plus aswell thank you, for seriously being a supportive friend even though it's just been days or weeks or so,
AND PLUS ASWELL OMG THANK YOU!!! I'M ALSO LOOKING FORWARD TO ADDING MORE STUFF INTO MY BLOG (EXPECT ME TO SOMETIMES POST MORE THAN ONCE XDDD)
either way, thank you LIKE SERIOUSLY THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU MAKE ME HAPPY WITH THIS!!!!
I believe that peace will also find you too, and you'll get better! Although it may take a bit of patience, you will be, and I also believe it!
I AM ALSO WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO MY FRIENDS!! INCLUDING YOU, AND DEFINITELY YOU!!!
STAY STRONG, because you've already gone so far!
And I LOVE YOU, ALWAYS!!!!
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT YOU'RE HERE FOR ME, AND I WILL NEVER FORGET TO BE THERE FOR YOU!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, AND I MEAN NOT JUST A BUNCH OR A MILLION BUT TO INFINITY! IF I WAS THERE WITH YOU I COULD HAVE GAVED YOU A LONG HUG!!!!
THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SUPPORTIVE TO ME AND YOUR FRIENDS!!!!
IM PROUD OF YOU ALSO ALWAYS!!!
I APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU'VE SAID AND IT IS OVERWHELMING
I LOVE YOU BRO AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE ME XOXO
#MARKROCKSFOREVERRRRRR
In just a SPAN of a FEW DAYS maybe weeks I CANNOT COUNT, but I know we've known each other only for a week or so, YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE, DOPE, AND GREAT!
DeleteTHANK YOU SO MUCH MAN! YOU'RE TRULLY A TRUE BEST FRIEND!!! THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!
YOURE WELCOME BRO STAY STRONG THERE ARE SO MANY MESSAGES TO RESPOND IM SPEECHLESS BUT I LOOOVVEE YOU
DeleteI LOVE YOU TOOOOOOO!!!! STAY STRRROOOONG!!!
DeleteI'm glad that my words motivates you, and I'm happy that you're willing to always support and hear me out if you could! Thank you, you mean to me alot.
ReplyDeleteIt really gives a smile to my face!
I love you bro 👊♥️
YOUR EXISTENCE MAKES ME HAPPY DUDE
DeleteYOU TOO, THE FACT THAT YOU EXIST MAKES ME FEEL JOY♥️♥️♥️ AND THAT'S NO LIE!!! I LOVE YOU BRO♥️🫶♥️🫶♥️🫶♥️🫶♥️🫶🫶♥️
DeleteYou GOT THIS 👊♥️💪
ReplyDeleteYOU GOT THIS TOO MAN
Delete:DD
DeleteWE'RE STRONG!!! AND THAT'S A FACT!! LET'S GOOOOOO
ReplyDelete