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Thursday, July 20, 2023

confetti

 making my website and along with self improving is awesome, I've never felt so much better about myself, my guilt and regret is huge as hell, but that's apart of my journey I hope

posting this because I think i feel bad about not posting anything at all, but I've been really great lately, sometimes i feel regret as I've mentioned, but it's completely okay the way I perceive it. however this will be completely different from a new blog i will be posting

44 comments:

  1. Heyya! It's okay! I'm happy you're on your road to self improvement!
    I'm happy that you're starting to feel more better about yourself, despite ofcourse, guilt and regret may still be at present.
    Keep going champ! Remember that you got this! 👊💪♥️
    I'm always here for you! Ready to listen whenever you need me and I'll also try my best to be available if I could!♥️
    You're the best, and I'll always see you as that way despite you're past mistakes. ♥️🌹
    A bright future be ahead of you, I love you with all my heart! ♥️

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    1. AAAYYYY MAAAN!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN, THIS MAKES ME SOO HAAPPY DUDE XDDD LIKE BRO YOUR EXISTENCE MAKES ME SO HAPPY THANK U SO MUCH DUD :p This goes out the same thing for you By the way!! and yeah, forgiving my own mistakes is pretty hard, but I don't know if this is something i should do. I'm not sure if it's a need to be a good person, or a want or a decision. But either way, I FEEL THE SAME WAY FOR YOU, Whatever you had to go through please remember too that; I'm here for you and whatever you do I'll try to help you, reassure you and support you because you're my friend and you're a living human being, in my dictionary kathy means a person who is generous, amazing, great, awesome and epic funny person ever. You are Kath, so those words must be you!!

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    2. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART TOO DUDE XDDD!!!!!!! But seriously ahaha know who you support, but i really appreciate all your compliments, I don't wanna push those compliments away because it'll make me a bad person and that you're my really dearest friend. obviously I care about both, I do not wanna hurt people because thats bad and that It's immature for me to refuse compliments. But, this goes out the same thing for you!! Love you bro,

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    3. LIKE LOVE U TOO BRO LIKE A LOT, EQUALLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF LOVE U GIVE ME XD

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    4. THANK YOU BRO♥️ I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH.
      YOU'RE EXISTENCE IS WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
      It's okay to not be okay. I love you alot, more than you can ever imagine, you mean alot to me, you trully do. I'm here with you all along the way!
      It's okay, I'm happy that you're being honest in what you feel, I'm happy that you're not hesitating to tell the truth. I understand what it feels to be in your position (there's no need to worry about me I'm doing 10x better than before, what matters is you) and I'm happy you're being open.
      You litteraly made me giggle as well up the dictionary part, thank you HAHDKJSJS!!!!
      You can do this. I know that you can.
      One day you'll look back to see how far you've come and you'll smile seeing it all.
      Even if things are very tough, you will overcome your challenges and struggles, I know deep inside my heart that you will, and I believe with every single truth that you definitely will!
      Keep going, keep pushing through, because I believe in you that you will, even if you've made mistakes up in your past. Whatever could that be.
      I understand that it's tough to feel like you're not in any deserve of affection, because of all the emotional wounds of the mistakes you did in the past, every single one of your emotions aren't invalid, they never were. I completely understand.
      I love you so much, and always will be.
      I'm always here for you!♥️♥️♥️SAME AMOUNT AS YOU LOVE MEEEE!!!

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    5. I love you, I know who I support, and I love you, even if you don't feel like you deserve it.
      Deep inside, I know who I trully support. And I love them because I know they're trying their best to make up to their mistakes.
      They did make mistakes, but they have the courage to take the responsibility, they're making up for their mistakes and that's what matters for me. And I'm inspired.
      That them is YOU.
      It's okay, it's hard to forgive yourself and I completely understand, sometimes forgiveness is slow, but it will come.
      but sometimes you have to remember that forgiving yourself is also a part of life too.
      It's not just to forgive and forget, it's also to FORGIVE and LEARN.♥️
      We ofcourse always still have to remember our mistakes and lessons so that next time we won't end up doing the same, but forgiving yourself helps you let go of the guilt, shame, anger and embarrassment of your mistakes, and helps you realise that YOU yourself is just human, and mistakes both big or small is inevitable because we are full of flaws and that's okay, it helps you cope and learn better whenever you make another mistake in the future, it helps you to act more maturely along with all the lessons you learned.
      Forgiving yourself does not mean you're making an excuse for your past actions or mistakes, letting things go does not mean it's injustice to others who you had hurt.
      Sometimes, forgiving yourself is not just for yourself but also for the sake of others, do yourself a favor and help yourself, because trust me, you can also help other people 10x better with it along with all the lessons you learned.
      Forgiveness is slow and that's okay, rushing things will make things worse, but forgiveness is also a part of the journey towards self improvement, it helps you learn better, not just forget things.
      Forgiveness can also be a selfless act for others, to forgive is to learn.
      That's all based on my experiences, I love you and I hope you appreciate it, and if you don't, that's okay! I completely understand it with my whole heart, and I'll keep supporting you until the end. ♥️

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  2. This is all just my advice.
    We all f>cked up.
    Maybe you've created very big mistakes that made you feel this way, but as much as the past seems like it defines you, or as big as the mistake this could be, you still need to forgive yourself so you could help yourself improve. Its not for the sake of forgetting and being like "eh" but more of a "forgiving myself, even if it's just slowly helps me heal which will help me in my overral health and my path to self improvement as a whole, it helps me to act even more maturely for the sake of improving."
    Remember, life has to always move on. Sometimes by forgiving yourself you help yourself improve your health more and feel better, which in turn lead to better choices and in turn will help in the path of self improvement.
    It helps you develop maturity and learn more better for the sake of taking responsibility of your mistakes without the regret, shame, embarrassment, etc stopping you or holding you back from doing so.
    That's what I meant with "forgiving yourself can also be a selfless act."
    We've all made mistakes, BIG and SMALL ones. And that's what makes us all humans, we're flawful by nature.
    Mistakes are inevitable even if as much as we want ourselves to go back in time and change everything.
    But what trully matters is that the responsibility of such mistakes are accepted. The ability to see the mistakes you've made matters ALOT to the people you've hurted or to the distruction your mistake had caused.
    The thing that trully makes a difference is not your mistakes but how you react to your mistakes.
    What matters is that you're trying to make changes in yourself as you KNOW you've made a mistake.

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  3. And as much as I'd always say to myself that I wished I didn't do that, as much as I always told myself to be a bad person, now I have realized that taking the action to changing everything trully does make a big difference. It's not about your past, it's about how you act in the present that trully makes a difference to your future. It's not about bad or good, it's all about taking the action to change and to improve despite mistakes.
    We all have made mistakes that we regretted and told ourselves to be a bad person because of such, the past is there in our heads and sometimes or always it haunts us alot, but you've gotta remember that the present is much more important than the past.
    Why?
    Because the present is where you trully are, and it's where you could trully take the act for the sake of the future.
    The past is in the past, there's none we could do about it.
    But there's always something we could do in the present for the future itself, for your improvement.

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  4. Nor should I reccomend you to forget your mistakes, but nor should I reccomend you to let your mistakes define you because you can also change, you can change your actions up in the present for the future.
    we know that you did those mistakes and you did, we're not denying that. but what trully matters is that you're changing yourself, that matters much more than you're mistakes. It's not about being good or bad, it's about focusing what to do next AFTER you've done the mistake, that's what trully makes the difference for the distruction your mistakes had made.

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  5. Because that's what helps changes the future, and that's what matters.

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  6. In short, it's okay to forgive yourself, even if it's just slowly, even if it's difficult.
    Because it's not about your past anymore that we're talking about. It's about YOU forgiving yourself so you could improve THROUGH healing.
    If you want to improve, forgiveness is a part of it. You
    NEED to help yourself in order to improve. In order to learn.
    It's not about what you DID, this time it's about what you will DO.

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  7. Your past DOES NOT define who YOU ARE as a person, instead let the past be a reminder that YOU can CHANGE.

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  8. Your past may haunt you, and forgiveness may be tough, but it's okay to not be okay, just aslong as you try your best to help yourself also DURING these dark times, because in the end, you are STILL you, you've got to take care of yourself, not in a selfish way, but to help yourself go through this tough time.

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    1. Because that is a necessary part of self improvement also that could be easily forgotten. Self care.

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  9. I'm sorry if I sound so rude in some way, but I'm just telling here an advice that you really need to help yourself, you need to forgive yourself in order to fully improve. In order to fully learn, and that's just the truth. Even if it's just slowly.
    I really love you, that's why I'm telling you these.
    And you really need to help yourself, it's no longer about your past but for the sake of YOU.♥️

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  10. You're the best, sorry for also the sudden change of mood in my way of texting hehe-
    Either way, I love you so much! And there's nothing that could change that.
    You can do this, I believe in you that you could, you WILL get through this. Every step of the way, one at a time.
    It's okay to not be okay, remember that!♥️

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  11. I might even sound a bit harsh too- I'm really sorry about that. Just take care of yourself wherever you may be out there alright? It really matters alot.♥️🫶

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  12. Remember, you're the best person I've ever met, and there's ABSOLUTELY no denying in that!
    I'm always here for you everytime.
    Your feelings are valid due to all the emotional trauma you've experienced so far, it's okay.
    Keep going, and make sure aswell to take a little rest if things are getting a bit tiring for you.
    Because self improvement is not an easy task to take, and it takes patience to do so.
    Forgiveness, taking responsibility, self care.
    They all take time and that's completely okay.
    What matters is you keep going forward, one at a time. ♥️

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  13. Now, I'm going to sleep. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

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  14. Oh and btw, about the advice..
    It's all in your choice if you'd like to take it or not.
    If yes, that's great! And if not, that's okay. ♥️
    Just keep going, wherever you are out there.
    I love you bro! Always. 🫶

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  15. Okay, just one thing aswell.
    It's okay to let yourself grieve, give yourself take time to healthily grieve. And it's okay to accept that you did make mistakes. But obsessing isn't a great thing because it only stops you from ever improving.
    Just here to comfort you, we often can't go back to change everything we've done, but there's always a way forward and focusing in going forward to take the next step slowly is what matters.

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  16. Sorry If I'm saying so much here-

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  17. We can't seem to go back, we can't seem to change everything, we can't seem to do things that we wished we could have instead done because it's the past, and so regret, sorrow, sadness, hopelessness, shame of yourself and pain comes. And that's completely okay, it what makes you human, let yourself grieve things up, I know self reflection can be a bummer sometimes as you slowly realise everything that you have done through it, but in the end despite everything we still have to go forward, gently guiding ourselves up the road in order to trully improve.

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  18. Because we can't fully improve without healing.
    We can't skip that part, it's a part of the process.
    That's why, in the end, you are STILL you.
    Taking care of yourself helps you in times you grieve, in times you make another mistake or fail agian, in times where you have to make desicions regarding your journey in self improvement.
    Your emotions exist, it's okay to feel as though you don't feel in deserve of good things such as affection, it's completely understandable because of everything you've gone through, it's okay to feel these emotions.
    What matters is that you slowly, gently guide yourself in these times, understanding why you feel this way and helping yourself cope healthily with all these emotions.
    Because you gotta heal to improve.

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  19. I'm sorry, I know I keep repeating the same thing, hehe.
    And it's to take care of yourself, even if slowly or one at a time, for the sake of improvement. Because you gotta heal to also improve. That's all of my advice.

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  20. And to heal you gotta help yourself do so. And to help yourself you gotta slowly one at a time put a bit of self compassion.

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  21. I've told so much here hehe, probably the same context explained in different words, ive litteraly been here for hours ☠️ but it's all the choice up to you.♥️
    We've all got our own ways in dealing things, and I'm fine if you don't take up my advice.
    Remember that I'm always here for you, no mattee what.
    And yeah, I've said this many times but just keep going!
    You've got this.

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  22. Replies
    1. BRO???? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY??? YOURE SO JUST SO SWEET O_O. And I don't even know what to say, but I do find it relatable explaining the same context many times but with different words and grammar structure LOL xD. But, Wow. seriously, I didn't expect to see all of this after coming back home from school. I don't even know what to return the favor to you from all this splashed advices and supportive messages, but overall, yes I will try to be more forgiving on myself even if it's already 2 or 4 months of doing it. I'm not expecting any changes 10 years later probably, but I have accepted to just let mistakes define me while improving to be a better person. But genuinely thank you so much for understanding how I feel, you're genuinely the most amazing friend I have ever had and the fact that it isn't necessary for you to be awake at midnight just so you can comfort me and guide me, I really appreciate this moment and will remember it forever. Like it means so much to me, like hey I'm gladly taking those advice. but the fact you just, stay up for hours in midnight whatever just to give me a lecture of forgiving myself, making mistakes, just means so much to me. and I can tell you really love me man, and of course man I love you the way you love me bro. I'm generally so speechless about all of this, I know you told me to not skip of healing in order to improve, but somehow I skipped that and it works okay-ish. Look, I know it's like "That's what best friends do! :)" thing regarding you staying for hours, but gosh thank you so much. That's like above the bare minimum for me. Thank you so much for reassuring me and be here for my deepest moments, I really cherish you as my friend. and I do consider you as one of my greatest friends. and in return for this great gift from you I'll try to keep it short and a meaningful message but, I really don't know your full story of being a friend therapist, and the fact I know for sure you're 10x better but, I'll really never know fi that's the truth. usually all therapist friends I know never really get to express themselves to their other beloved. They just keep it,

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    2. Unfooouuurtunately you are talking to one of the kinds of those people. But don't worry what I'm doing right now was definitely not doing that. Maybe In the future I'll actually get an actual professional help, since my parents do not allow me to get one for some reason. but hey aside of that, let's not question any of that. I wanna talk about how AMAZING and INCREDIBLE YOU ARE. Whatever you're going through though, I just wanna say you're just brave, strong, and generally just sweethearted person. obviously, I would try to assume the possibilities or the common problems of being a therapist friend. But I don't wanna sound stupid so, the reason all of that is because of the fact you (again) stay up all night just to say these all nice things about me and really helpful advice even though they're pretty easy to search for in the web surf and you doing all this job just because of me not feeling like I'm worth to be a good person . I know you can probably do this all day just because you're a therapist friend and yeah, I feel that. Don't feel worthy? Life is boring? Feeling useless? be a friend's therapist and write a whole paragraph about how great they are meanwhile being stuck in a rotting corner, you can even do it all day like it's your only job. but yeah I feel you, (I'm literally sounding stupid bc I just assumed when I just said i won't do it because it'll make me look stupid, so i guess double the time the stupidity I look xD) but hey, doing something like that I just realized is like, the most greatest thing you can do. Negativity comes from itself, Positivity comes from itself as well, but somewhere. usually when having negative aspect in life or everything (pessimistic) and doing the same unhealthy thing over and over again, won't really pull any positivity. usually from what I've just experienced from these past couple of hell months positivity comes from realization and then it lead to motivation, ok example your mental state is in the void but it's burning and draining you all the time, suddenly something; beautiful, meaningful caught your attention and then once you start paying attention to its detail,

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    3. you start to realize about your own details, (god im probably making nonsense and i probably sound insane) I know I'm not the only one whenever taking details of something so beautiful and eye/ear/whatever catching it led me to paying attention to my own details then I start to gain self reflection and then realizing that my pessimistic mindset is unhealthy then trynna work it out, ya know. I probably sound insane but what I'm doing is reassuring you. But yeah basically the reason why it's really amazing to be there for your friend regardless of them being sad, happy, stressed like a daily hobby is because it really shows how amazing you are, patient, generous, all that kind of thing. But is that really what makes a person all those above? No not at all, a person can be amazing just by being genuine, a person can be patient when handling their own emotions and waiting things to get better, a person can be generous willing to always help and see the good qualities in people. these adjectives has it's connection does it? You can be amazing by being patient, you're patient if you're generous, You have an amazing personality if you're generous or even patient, Literally anything. any adjectives that share its resemblance by its definition has its connection, but do these mean anything? but from my knowledge is that anyone who does these things that defines them is that they're good enough, and In my definition being good enough is already perfect because there is nothing better than being good enough, nothing can beat that level, no matter how what. "But the It wasn't even-" Idk man That sounds perfect to me man. But what is really being good enough? well, it's just doing what you can or what you do (like what I just explained the adjectives thingy) well of course if it's considered as a positive good thing whateva, but is there specific example I'm setting here? Well, I feel like what I just explained is what you are, overall, really huge thank you for making all these for me. I really appreciate them. But seriously, you are good enough, numbers don't define anyone or anywho, all it matters you're here; you tried your best, you tried your hardest, and you're perfect because you did good enough. and you are good.

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    4. Thank you for your kind words man, It really matters alot to me. You've made me tear up in all seriousness, for real. I can see you're point.
      And don't worry you are NOT going insane, I completely get it, even if it kind of made me re-read things a bit 😅, but now I completely get it, and thank you. Just pointing that out XD
      Really though, thank you. And I mean THANK YOU from my mind and heart, and literal soul. I know we're just both probably texting through our devices up the internet but, even if we haven't met up in the real world, I'm genuinely happy that we met.
      Thank you for reassuring me man. Thank you for always being caring and sweet too because seriously, you're really a champion man.
      Thank you for all your kind words and for expressing your point of view. You're seriously one of the best people I've ever met, thank you man. You might not know about it but you've litteraly made me learned some important things. Thank you man!! In this whole world!!!!

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    5. I cant tell if my comment got deleted but im assuming it did, idk if i already replued to this BUT BROOO YOU TOO YOURE SO AMAZING AAUUAU

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    6. OH WELLL, EITHER WAY Thanks man, you're AMAZING TOO ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

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  23. I've litteraly said "thank you" so much here KXJSKDJD
    BUT EITHER WAY, YOU DESERVE THE WORLD! AND I MEAN IT. LITTERALY MEAN IT. Not just because you're my friend but you're an amazing person in general, and I know you deserve it.
    You're litteraly the best. Always champ!
    Once agian, BIG thank you too! I appreciate everything.♥️

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    1. In my whole litteral heart, take care of yourself wherever you may be out there.
      I love you to infinity man!🫶🫶🫶

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    2. LATE REPLY SORRY. But thank you so much man!! You mean a lot to me!! of course I'd give great things to Great people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Take care you too!!!!

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    4. Just correctin some grammatical mistakes hehe
      SAME ALL TO YOU! TAKE CAREEE WHEREVER YOU ARE OUT THERE!!!!🫶🫶🫶🫶

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    5. BRROOOO, AUAUGHG U TOO ALSO DONTS NEED TO CORRECT UR GRAMMAR

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    6. SKDHKDJDJDJ OKAYYY WHAHAHAHHAHA

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    7. ALSO NO NEED TO SAY SORRY WHEN YOU'RE LATE AT REPLYING, IT'S COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE, TAKE YOUR TIME TO DO ALL THE STUFF YOU WANT!!!🫶🫶🫶

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